Definitely an improvement, since the story now begins with the main character's point-of-view. Note that a rewritten version of this scene does appear in the published version. I had purged the background material, but the story was still thick with subplots, and, as a result, loose in structure. I think it was early 2000 when I finally had the insight into how to fix the story. The problem could be summarized in one word: "Voice." Who tells the story? I had gone with third-person omniscient point-of-view, and this had led to the multiple intertwined stories. I needed to limit the viewpoint, and it came to me that the way to do that was to have Russ be the storyteller. Luke would tell his story to Russ, and Russ would tell his own story at the same time. And within Luke's story would be the story of Al Fisher, also told in first person to Luke. Nested first-person point-of-view, similar to that used by Emily Bronte in Wuthering Heights. (I realized this fact only afterward when I took my son's copy of WH on a business trip for airplane reading.) |
I had found the "voice," but the job was just beginning. I had to re-write the whole story. It took another sixteen or so months of writing, rewriting and polishing before I had what I thought was an agent-ready draft. I did finally get an agent, and, quite a few months later, interest from a couple of publishers. Comments from one of the publishers led me to revise the book still further, adding two new chapters and rewriting some scenes. And once the book was sold to River Oak (which became part of David C. Cook), the editors there had still more suggestions for improvements (most of which I agreed with.) The end product is a far cry from my first draft. But the journey has been fun and educational, and the outcome gratifying. On the following page are the opening paragraphs of the final, published version of There is a Wideness. |