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THE FERROEQUINOLOGIST'S CODE OF PROFESSIONAL RESPONSIBILITY |
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An explanation of the rights, duties and
obligations of ethical ferroequinologists as they pertain
to the processes of traveling , searching, and documenting the facilities,
equipment, personnel, and processes of iron rail transportation, both modern
and historical, near and far, for later retrieval, study, enjoyment, and
archiving, both singularly and in the association and company of others of
similar persuasion, with particular emphasis on the etiquette of mutual
interactions, specifically personal and professional manners and behavior,
with probable consequences for nonconformance which will be imposed by others
both in the same vehicle, others at the chosen sites, railroad officials, and
others, set forth in a logical and understandable manner with both proper
terminology and common names, for the education and enlightenment of both the
wise and the ignorant, especially the latter; (Otherwise, "The Railfan
Rules") Section 1.
Transportation. 1.1 Driver has
complete responsibility for the vehicle and therefore may do anything , and has the right to order anyone to do
anything while the vehicle is in motion, that facilitates the comfort and
safety of all aboard. (The "It's My Car" Rule). Included in this
rule are: A. The right to
control the radio. B. The right to
control the ventilation and temperature. C. The right to make
any other rule for the above purposes. D. The right to
refuse transportation to anyone who has consumed a large quantity of beans,
beer, and/or burritos (especially "and"). E. The right to
deny anyone nicknamed "Crash" or "Thumbs" from operating
any of the controls of the vehicle. 1.2 No one has a
right to criticize the driver for any reason. Exceptions: A. The owner of
the car. B. The wife of
the owner of the car. C. A passenger
who has sustained a serious injury in the crash. D. The navigator
if he gave correct directions that were intentionally ignored by the driver.
This exception does not apply if the navigator has given wrong directions at
any time, including on a previous trip. E. A duly
appointed officer of the law. No one may
repeat a criticism of the driver even if made by a person authorized to
criticize. This rule shall not apply to any driver who has been cut off by a
maneuver of the railfanning vehicle unless he is
part of the railfan caravan; however, all
passengers are under a duty to seasonably warn the driver of another driver
who is armed. 1.3 Seat
allocation is on first come, first serve basis (The "Musical
Chairs" Rule). Exceptions: A. The owner of
the vehicle determines the driver. The driver shall occupy the left front
seat at all times. Sleeping in this seat is forbidden B. The right
front passenger seat belongs to the trip navigator. C. The driver
has the right to fire the navigator and compel a reallocation of seats (The
"Chinese Fire Drill" Rule). Passengers may elect to choose the
navigator by lot (The "Short Straw" Rule). The driver may elect to
choose the navigator (The "I Want to Get There Today" Rule). D. On trips of
more than one day, some type of seat rotation shall be instituted (The
"No Monopolization" Rule). E. Persons with
noxious BO may be compelled by majority vote to ride in the trunk or on the
luggage carrier, or with the offending body part hanging out of the window
(The "Gagging Vulture" Rule). 1.4 Persons who
can be reasonably expected to track staining substances into, or reasonably
can be expected to stain, or have a history of staining, the passenger
compartment may be denied re-entry into the vehicle (The "Greasy
Boots" Rule). See also Rule 4.9. Mud is considered a staining substance
for the purposes of this rule. 1.5 All
passengers shall utilize at the restroom facilities on every stop. The
failure to do so shall mean the offending party may not compel a relief stop
for his convenience (The "You Shoulda Gone
Back There" Rule). At any stop, persons who can be expected to create
offensive odors shall wait until all other passengers have used the facility
(The “You could choke a maggot in there” Rule). At stops where no
restroom facilities are available, the following regulations apply: A. Micturation shall occur out of public sight (or under
cover of darkness) at a spot not less than 20 feet from the vehicle, and in a
location where it is certain no passenger will travel during the next 24
hours. Other passengers shall not loudly call attention to a person obeying
this rule, and photos of same are subject to confiscation and a $25 fine. B. Excremetitious deposits are permitted only when
facilities will not be available for more than 2 hours in the future and
severe pain is being endured. Such deposits shall be made at least 200 yards
from the vehicle and/or any railfanning site, and
at a location where no passenger will travel for the next one year. Catcalls
are permitted within the 200 yard range, but any person photographing same
will be excommunicated from the club. C. Persons with
colostomy bags... well, let's not get into that. 1.6 The navigator
is not allowed to sleep at any time. If he missed a significant turn during
the day, this means outside the vehicle as well (The "Stay Up and Study
the Maps!" Rule). 1.7 Any person
who shouts directions shall be subject to the same penalties as the
navigator, whether designated as such or not. Persons who shout correct
directions that are not followed are subject to the penalty of being named
navigator. Persons other than the navigator who give correct directions that
are not followed are entitled to upbraid the navigator but not the driver;
see Rule 1.2. 1.8 Drivers shall
wait until all passengers are completely in the vehicle before departing. See
Rule 4.5 for exceptions. Passengers shall take special note of anxious or
eager drivers but are reminded of Rule 1.2. Yelling "Wait for me"
or similar words are not a violation of Rule 1.2 provided that no perjoratives are appended. 1.9 Routes and
stops shall be preplanned. Detours or side trips are allowed only upon the
spotting of unique or unusual railroad equipment, items of railroad
historical significance, or things that happen to catch the driver's fancy.
Other detours or side trips shall be classified as navigational errors
attributable to the person in the right front seat. 1.10 Back seat
passengers' responsibilities include: A. Scanner
monitoring. B. Lookouts for
tracks, railroad signs, trains, mile posts, signals, stations, old railroad grades
and related items. C. Litter
control. D.
Second-guessing the navigator. E. Keeping the
driver fed and happy (and awake). F. Map folding. G. Asking
questions no one knows the answers to. H. Answering
questions no one asked. I. Hiding
acquisitions. J. Assisting the
driver in locating navigational landmarks supplied by the navigator to
include street and highway signs, physical landmarks, unmarked gravel roads,
dirt paths, old rights of way, latitude and longitude lines, wagon ruts,
Lewis and Clark canoe landings, and any other silly thing that may help
denote location. K. Finding food
when otherwise allowed by the rules. L. Anything else
the driver says is their responsibility. 1.11 A log of the
trip shall be kept by the navigator, showing the date, time, mileage, and
significant events of the trip. A designated alternate shall maintain the log
when the duty of navigation is too encompassing or the navigator lacks the
skills of readable handwriting, ability to tell time, or simple common sense.
Copies of all logs shall be made available to all passengers within 7 days
after completion of the trip. 1.12 Skid marks
caused by untimely navigational cues will be charged to the navigator (The
"Turn Now!" Rule). The penalties of rule 1.6 may be applied for
repeated violations of this rule. 1.13 In
circumstances where the driver cannot comprehend or apply any of the local
oddities of traffic lane marking, road signage, and/or lane construction,
particularly those which are only observed at the last moment or are
otherwise inconvenient, the driver may be excused from adhering to the rules
of the road and/or any other natural or man-made restriction on the forward
or lateral motion of the motor vehicle, by rolling down the driver's window
and calling in a loud and clear voice, with the assistance of all passengers,
" TOURIST!!!" (The "I'm Not From Around Here" Rule). This
rule does not apply when the vehicle most likely to be forced to take urgent
corrective action is: (a) over 20,000 lbs GVW or 3 axles, (b) a pickup truck
over 5 years old equipped with a rifle rack and an NRA bumper sticker, or (c)
a passenger car equipped with at least three radio aerials and any type of
flashing light, when in towns of less than 500 occupants. 1.14 The driver
is like the captain of an 18th century British frigate. If he likes you he
can be very good to you. If he hates you he can take your camera, put you in
irons, make you walk the rail, or impose any other penalty for a violation of
the rules he deems appropriate to allow you to make the return trip.
Passengers should govern their behavior accordingly. 1.15 The
navigator may be blamed for all problems of the trip. [If you read the rules
carefully, you really don't want to be navigator; the view from the front
seat isn't worth it.] 1.16 At the
request of any passenger, the National Anthem shall be played at the start of
a trip; passengers need not stand and the driver shall not. Patriotic
displays of fireworks are not allowed in the vehicle. Section 2. Trip
Expenses. 2.1 All passengers
shall share equally the costs of gas, tolls, and parking, except the owner of
the vehicle being used. Exceptions: A. Detours of
more than 10 miles as a result of missed turns or other navigational errors
shall be at the navigator's cost. B. Interior and
exterior cleaning of the vehicle after a long or especially dirty trip shall
be equally shared. Exceptions to the exception: 1. Anyone
causing a nasty mess shall pay all costs of clean-up. A majority vote of the
passengers may invoke this subsection (the "Slobbola"
Rule). 2. Extensive
road dust caused by a navigational error shall be the responsibility of the
navigator (The "Dusty Roads" Rule). C. On short
trips, in lieu of gas payment, passengers may buy the driver dinner, provided
that the server at the restaurant is not obligated by the duties of his job
to say "Ya want fries with that?". D. Lodging
expenses shalll be shared equally by all persons on
the trip. Lodging expenses do not include: 1. Costs of
motorized conveniences in the room. 2. Costs of
companionship (to be shared only by those sharing directly in the
companionship; watching is not sharing). 3. Costs for
video entertainment, regardless of rating, unless agreed in advance. Watching
any part of the program (especially the good parts) constitutes implied
consent to a pro-rata share, however. 4. Long distance
calls to wives, sweethearts, parents, stockbrokers, bookies, seeresses, phone “companions”, 1-900 numbers,
and the like. Chargeable calls include reservation of future lodging,
restaurant reservations, pizza delivery (if shared by all), auto clubs,
repair shops, 911, and condolence calls to next of kin. Calls to ISP’s
shall be allocated according to the percentage of use attributable to the
needs of the trip. 2.2 The owner of
the vehicle is responsible for any repairs. Exceptions: A. Damage
occasioned by passenger's urgings to follow a particular path, especially
down unpaved roads or nonroads (The "You're
The Navigator" Rule). B. Damage caused
by the passenger's actions, inactions, or size (The "Two Ton Baker"
Rule). 2.3 Traffic
tickets will be the responsibility of the driver unless one of the following
apply: A. A train is in
sight B. Someone
thought a train was in sight. C. Someone
thought he heard a train.. D. A train would
have been in sight except for the traffic cop. E. The scanner
says a train is near F. The
passengers are urging the driver to make up lost time, find the train, or
otherwise muttering comments about "burning daylight." G. A passenger
is emitting noxious odors from a need to evacuate his viscera (no words are
necessary to invoke this exception). 2.4 Parking
tickets are common expenses. Towing expenses are the responsibility of the
person who said "nobody will mind." 2.5 Unless agreed
in advance, trip expenses shall be estimated and all passengers shall
contribute to a common treasury prior to the commencement of the trip. A
treasurer shall be chosen by unanimous agreement; if agreement achieves 75%
or more of the passengers, dissenters shall be dropped from the trip to
achieve unanimity. Note Rule 7.1 for additional treasurer duties. In the
event it becomes clear that actual expenses are exceeding estimates, all
shall be required to contribute equally to bring the kitty up to the new
estimate. If any person fails to contribute his share of the additional
amounts, he may be left at the side of the road where the gas money would
have run out if others had not contributed. Section 3. Equipment. 3.1 Each person
shall be responsible for the equipment he brings. Drivers are not required to
make long detours for equipment left behind, nor to stop to replace missing
or non-functional equipment (The "There's No Turning Back Now"
Rule). 3.2 No one shall
use any one else's equipment without permission. 3.3 Unless there
is unanimous agreement, no side trips for additional film, medication, sun
screen, snacks, shoelaces, or other such commodities will be made. All
passengers shall have checklists to ensure they bring all needed items (The
"There's No Stopping Now" Rule). 3.4 Stowage
allowances: A. For day
trips, each passenger shall be allowed a camera bag not to exceed one cubic
foot, and another bag not to exceed one cubic foot nor
10 pounds. B. For trips exceeding
one day, each passenger shall be allowed a camera bag not to exceed one cubic
foot, a tripod fully collapsed, and one other bag not to exceed one and one
half cubic feet nor 25 pounds. C. Stowage
allowances are inclusive of souvenirs on the trip, and persons expecting to
collect souvenirs are expected to start with less to accommodate
acquisitions. D. Acquisitions: 1. The driver
shall have the right to reject any acquisitions that have any taint of
illegality attached to them, in his discretion. In the event that such an
item is not rejected and is subsequently discovered by a person having arrest
authority, the acquirer shall immediately and loudly acknowledge his
possession of same and aver no knowledge thereof on the part of the other
passengers of the vehicle. 2. A majority
vote of passengers shall be sufficient to abandon any acquisition that emits
a noxious odor or sound, or is a living member of the animal kingdom (dead
members being excluded automatically without a vote). 3. The driver
may demand a share of the booty, provided he accepts a share of the jail time
attached thereto. E. The driver
may increase allowances at his discretion, providing that no passenger is
deprived of reasonable comfort in seating. F. Persons who
gain significant weight on a trip may be compelled to lighten their baggage. G. The driver is
not bound to allocate any leftover space or weight allowances equally and may
allocate it all to himself if he so chooses (The "Extra Crannies"
corollary to the "It's My Car" Rule) .
Section 4. Railfan Demeanor. 4.1 No passenger
shall expel any noxious odor in the vehicle (The "Beano" Rule).
Persons violating this rule while blaming it on another may be sealed in a
garbage bag for the remainder of the trip (The “Enjoy Yourself”
Rule). 4.2 No person
shall talk over the scanner(s). Duct tape may be employed to enforce
observance of this rule by repeat offenders (the “Red Green”
Rule).. 4.3 All persons
shall respect photo lines. Photo lines are established by the first person to
set up for the picture. Violators may be leashed with any available material,
and deprived of film (The "Kevin Filter" Rule). A. A photo line
cannot be established by a person who: 1. Has a history
of inability to understand basic photographic composition, or 2. Is noted for
either reckless or multiple shots of everything in sight, or 3. Is using a
disposable camera or any equipment purchased more than 30 years ago or
equipment with one or more inoperable features, or 4. Has a history
of not developing the pictures he takes.. 4.4 Theft of
artistic concept in photos is grounds for shunning. 4.5 Passengers
without two way radios shall stay in hailing distance of the driver. Penalty
for violation of this rule includes, without limitation, being left behind. A. Driver is
required to stop for passengers running after the vehicle if they are within
50 feet and no train is within sight or hearing. B. Driver may
temporarily abandon any passenger not within close proximity to the vehicle
(whether tied by two way radio or not) to capture a train photograph at
another location if the person abandoned "probably wouldn't have made it
in time anyway." (The Emergency Doctrine, otherwise known as the
"Don't Go Running Off" Rule). 4.6 Persons who
cause any passenger to miss a scheduled deadline with that person's wife,
child or significant other must admit to same and apologize in person to the
party aggrieved. If necessary for the health or future railfanning
of the aggrieved person, an apology shall be made whether or not the other
person did anything wrong (The "Bill's Fault" Rule). 4.7 Persons who
have a recorded history of getting in other people's photographs shall wear
camouflage clothing (The "No Fluorescent Colors" Rule). 4.8 The sighting
of a train shall be loudly and immediately announced. The false making of
such a signal (the joke having gone stale long ago) is grounds for ejection
from the vehicle, in addition to reparations for any damage to the brakes of
the vehicle or to the driver's heart. Failure to announce a real train, if
done for the purpose of getting an exclusive photo, is grounds for
confiscation of the violator's camera. 4.9 Health and
Well-being. A. Medical
emergencies that are not life-threatening do not constitute grounds for
immediate removal from the railfanning site (The
"Tough Men Live with Pain" Rule). Persons bleeding shall take note
of rules 1.4 and 2.1.b.1. Weight lost as a result of blood or tissue loss
increments the loser's acquisition allowance proportionately. B. Medical supplies
are not the responsibility of the vehicle owner (besides, you used them up
last trip, remember?) Persons prone to stumbles, falls, frequent lacerations,
and the like shall pack adequate supplies to deal with any injury he may
sustain (“Don’s Rule”). C. Pre-existing
medical conditions and the requirements thereof shall be made known to the
group prior to departure. Unacceptable requirements may be grounds for
exclusion from the vehicle. Unacceptable requirements include: 1. “I have
to eat/drink [insert item - Twinkies, Diet Coke, Fritos] every x hours, even
though the Rules don’t permit it, or I will die/get serious ill to the
disgust of all aboard.” --Special nutritional requirements are a part
of your weight allowance. 2. “My
tourniquet has to be loosened every 15 minutes.” --Passengers are not
responsible for meeting other’s medical needs. 3. “My
[insert item - pacemaker, colostomy bag, erectile
pump] needs replacement.” --Passengers may not be grossed out by
replacement of bionic parts. 4. “My [insert
item - appendix, gall bladder, sphincter] must be removed or transplanted.
“ --Passengers are not allowed to solicit under any circumstances, even
for worthy causes, which yours is not. 5. “Please
ignore the [insert item - monkey-shaped tumor on my arm, bedpan, bleeding
from where the screws go into my head].” --Any aberrant medical problem
sensible to any passenger through visual or olfactory means that could induce
nausea in the sensor is grounds for exclusion. 6. “I have
to insert a [anal pill-what the hell do you call it?] every
so often.” --Passengers may not be grossed out by the thought of what
you are going to do. D. Passengers
electing to assist another in the treatment of a medical problem, even though
they are under no obligation to do so, may not be criticized for their
performance (The “Good Samaritan” Rule). Passengers are warned
that this rule does not prevent a lawsuit by the next of kin for wrongful
death. 4.10 No person
shall retell embarrassing trip stories about any person to the person's wife,
children, or significant other, or to a person who might pass along the
gossip to such a person. Anything may be told to another member of the club,
who has an ethical obligation to observe this rule. 4.11 Each
occupant of the vehicle is entitled to correct the purportedly factual
utterances of any other occupant of the vehicle no more than twice in an
excursion; all other alleged errors must be suffered in silence (The
"Only 1500 More Miles With This Pedantic Imbecile" Rule). A. Any
correction not accepted as such by the person being corrected must be
acknowledged by the words "Or Something like that". B. The driver
may permit further correction, but only when the vehicle has recommenced
forward motion after depositing the utterer and/or
the corrector, together with all his or their equipment, paraphernalia, and
souvenirs, on the shoulder of the road. 4.12 The
following shall be considered forbidden topics during travel times: A. Religion
(proselytizers are subject to immediate ejection without a cessation of the
forward movement of the vehicle); B. Politics,
unless permitted by the driver (persons considering criticizing the driver's
politics are reminded of rule 1.14); C. Self
descriptions of the latest ailment or bowel movement; D. Grandiose descriptions
of how good it was on a previous trip to the same place, especially after a
bad day. E. Arguments
relating to the physics of Star Trek, or to the emotional make-up of any of
the characters thereof. 4.13 Videographers shall be treated the same as photographers,
and are subject to the same rules regarding photo lines, etc. Only the
following exceptions apply: A. Videographers may request that there be no nonessential
noise in the photo line. Essential noises include shutters, automatic
winders, and demands that persons violating the photo line move their gluteus
maximi. B. Drivers may
not be videographers while the vehicle is in
motion. 4.14 During
travel times, back seat passengers shall not: A. Ask "Are
we there yet" or words to that effect. B. Second guess
the driver (but see Rule 1.10 D.). C. Eat any item
having a substantial unpleasant odor (unpleasant being defined by the
driver). 4.15 At those
times when all passengers must exit the vehicle quickly to get an otherwise unattainable
shot, those out first shall quickly move from the door so as not to block
those getting out behind them (The “Bail Out” Rule). There is no
penalty for violation of this rule, except that the violator may not
criticize the person who knocked him down from behind. Persons who bail
before the vehicle is completely stopped do so at their own risk. 4.16 All
passengers shall treat each other with utmost courtesy, at least the most
that can be expected from any other form of lowlife (The “Emily
Post” Rule). Vulgarity, profanity and expletives are forbidden. The
following expressions, however, are not prohibited: A. “Kiss my
grits.” B. “Screw
you”, if intended in a humorous manner and not intended to be
physically acted upon. C. Repetition of
any words followed by “my ass” so long as it does not create an
imperative sentence. D. Any words
directed at a person who violates a photo line. Section 5. Comestibles. 5.1 Food is not
the principal purpose of a railfan trip (The
"Gung Ho" Rule). 5.2 Stops for food
shall be by majority rule, with the driver having a veto. Exceptions: A. Any person
may reject a fast food restaurant if the previous three meals have been at
fast food restaurants (The "Mickey D" Rule). B. If agreed in
advance, on trips of longer than a day, each passenger may exercise the
option to choose the eating establishment without majority agreement once on
the trip. The following restaurants are excluded option choices: 1. Any place
featuring cuisine developed west of Sacramento, CA, south of Hutchinson, KS,
or east of Berlin (bratwurst and kielbasa being assigned to Sheboygan, WI;
other regional bigotries are consigned to the category of personal menu
choices). 2. Any place
where the potato or salad course is ala carte. 3. Any place
where the flies outnumber the patrons. 4. Any place
that would violate Rule 5.3. 5.3 No restaurant
or chain shall be visited more than once on a trip. There are no exceptions
to this rule (The "No Duplication" Rule). 5.4 Persons who
must eat according to a particular schedule shall have appropriate
nourishment on hand in case the other passengers do not care to stop. 5.5 Rules
regarding comestibles in vehicles: A. Persons who
bring or purchase snacks without notifying the others may be required to
share same (The "Kindergarten" Rule). B. Persons who
get crumbs in the car may be required to vacuum same. C. Persons who
make messes in the car shall be required to fess up to the owner's wife and
apologize to same. D. Persons
bringing snacks or other food items into the vehicle shall remove all such
items with them, and shall not leave them thinking someone else can eat them
(The "Abandoned Fritos" Rule). 5.6 Passengers
may eat as much or as often as they choose subject to the limitations herein;
however, all passengers are reminded of Rule 3.4 F. Other passengers,
however, are not prohibited from rolling their eyes or making snide remarks
regarding same. 5.7 Meals shall
be scheduled during times when a 52mm lens with a 3.4 f-stop requires an
exposure of 1/8 second or longer with ASA 400 film, or when rainfall is
exceeding one inch per hour (The "Burning Daylight" Rule). Section 6. Railfanning Sites. 6.1 The navigator
shall get the vehicle to the designated railfanning
site(s) by the shortest (fastest) possible route. The naval gunnery method of
navigation is expressly forbidden (The "You May Fire When Ready,
Gridley" Rule) 6.2 It is an
agreed rule that "No trespassing" signs are considered to be precatory, and for the liability protection of the
railroad only. Hence they may be disregarded at will unless backed up by the
verbal instructions of a railroad employee or minion of the law. This rule
does not permit the following: A. The crossing
of busy mainline tracks, especially if a train is on them. B. The hopping
of any freight by a passenger who still has a seat in the vehicle (those who
no longer do are no longer bound by the rules). C. The entry
into any building that requires breaking a lock or window or would otherwise
entail sanctions by the local governmental agencies under statutes governing
what is more commonly known as "burglary". D. The crossing
of a railroad bridge more than 50 feet long if a train is within hearing
distance. E. The
activation of any railroad equipment by persons not employed by the railroad,
whether or the purpose of the move is to improve the photographic composition
of the site. 6.3 The person
who stands the most to gain by any entry onto railroad property shall be the
one who asks the local yardmaster for permission. If all stand to gain
equally, the choice shall be made by lot, the short straw losing and having
to ask. 6.4 Releases
requested by any railroad shall be signed with the real name of the person
signing same; legibility is not required, however. 6.5 All
passengers shall be required to contribute equally to the bail of any person
arrested who: A. Is not in
violation of these rules. B. Is in
violation but so are all the others, of the same rule. C. Is in
violation where the others are not, but has the keys to the vehicle (The
"Do you wanna get home today or not"
Rule). D. Is in
violation of a different rule than the others, but the others' violations are
more egregious. For determining the degree of egregiousness, see the voting
rules post. 6.6 Site
"improvement" is forbidden without a majority vote; however, those
without a camera do not have a vote. 6.7 Sites without
a train within 40 minutes may be abandoned; the navigator and scanner
operator are to be equally charged with this offense. If the site is
subsequently determined to be an abandoned line, the navigator may be
publicly flogged. 6.8 The driver
shall give all due consideration to requests from any passenger to vacate a railfan site because of excessive or undue attention from
local citizens, either on foot or in one or more pursuing vehicles,
especially if the pursuers are armed (The "It Wasn't This Bad When I Was
Here In 73" Rule). Section 7. Lodging. 7.1 Wherever
possible, lodging shall be selected and reserved prior to the start of the
trip. Reservations shall be guaranteed by the credit card of the trip
treasurer. If the treasurer fails to make reservations or fails to guarantee
them when selection has been made in advance, and there is no lodging for the
night, the treasurer may be relieved of his duties and his body dumped along
a quiet back road. 7.2 Room
assignment is by the buddy system. Pair up with who you want; unpaired
remainders are left to each other (The “Do I have to room with
Stinky?” Rule). The most financially responsible person in the room has
choice of beds and control of all devices that can add to the bill. Rule 2.1
D. will be enforced. 7.3. No person
shall use more than one half of the linen and towels assigned to the room. No
person shall liberate any item from the room unless his was the credit card
given the lodging manager. 7.4 Bathroom fans
shall be liberally employed. Persons who leave an olfactory deposit in a
bathroom shall be obligated to warn all other potential users for at least
one-half hour thereafter, 2 hours if the room is not equipped with a fan. 7.5 Curfews shall
not be in force, but departure times shall be governed by the earliest person
to wake who shall immediately get everyone else moving if photos can be taken
without a flash. Persons requiring breakfast shall note the time of sunrise
and get up one-half hour earlier. 7.6 Daily showers
are mandatory for all passengers (The “Who choked the goat?”
Rule). Section 8. Dispute
Resolution. 8.1 There's no
hope for this group. Why bother writing rules to resolve disputes? A rabbi
with 40 years of Talmudic study couldn't niggle the
differences . 8.2 Where a rule
is subject to interpretation, the interpretation may be made by any person
seeking to invoke the rule, who may contort the interpretation
to any degree he likes as he sticks out his thumb along the side of the road. Section 9.
Modifications of the Rules. 9.1 Any rule can
be suspended for a designated trip by a majority vote with the following vote
weighting: A. Every passenger
gets one vote; B. The driver
gets 2 votes; C. The owner of
the car gets 10 votes; and D. The owner's
wife gets 50 votes. Persons
not present at the time of the vote are not counted. However, a majority of the votes present at any
time may reconsider a prior vote. |
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